love you like a love song
by folie a plusieurs
Summary: In which Robbie is 5eva alone, Sikowitz streaks, Beck is really a girl, and Tori can't stop crying. -Meanless parody, for Mad. Mentions of Bori, Jandre, hinted Bade, and Cabbie.


**LOVE YOU LIKE A LOVE SONG, BABY**  
>- love you like a love song, selena gomez<p>

/

a bori parody that makes zero sense(:  
>dedicated to the lovely Madeline (chasingafterstarlight)<p>

/

Tori was walking to class, when suddenly the big, mean Jade came up to her.

"I hate you," her voice was loud and mean and made Tori want to cry tears of blood. Jade was so mean to her! It wasn't fair! Jade should love Tori, because she was obviously so flawless! But Jade didn't and that made Tori mad, so she started crying.

Suddenly, Cat bounced up to them. "Hi guys!" She said.

Tori was now in a ball on the floor, sobbing.

Jade arched an eyebrow at the redhead in front of her and completely ignored the crying Tori. "Why are on a pogo stick, Cat?" She asked, sipping on her coffee as if she really didn't care.

Cat gasped. "I'm on a pogo stick?" And then she bounced off without another word.

Jade shrugged and headed towards class, leaving Tori to sob by herself.

/

Two hours later, Beck was headed towards his next class, when he saw Tori in a heap on the floor, still crying.

Well, this explains why the floor is flooded!

Running towards her in concern, he wept tears of joy, for after she had missed the first two periods of class, he had been afraid she had drowned in the flood. Now he was glad she was the cause of the flood.

"Tori! My precious Tori! Are you okay?" He asked, dropping down on his knees in front of her.

"No!" Tori gasped. "Jade hates me, Beck! My life is over! Everyone is suppose to love me! I am flawless!"

"You are," Beck agreed.

Suddenly, Tori sat up and look at Beck, a soft smile on her lips. "You really think so?"

Beck nodded and slowly leaned in.

"I do," he murmured, before kissing her.

Neither of them saw a green-eyed Jade glaring at them from behind the locker - no really! Her eyes are green!

/

"I saw you kissing Tori!" Jade glared.

"I kissed Tori once," Robbie said thoughtfully, staring off into space.

"You didn't!" Rex protested. "You've only ever kissed one female before! Your dog!" Laughing, Rex continued, "not even your own mother would dare to kiss those funky lips of yours!"

"Not true!" Robbie cried, before getting up to run away.

Cat chased after him. "I'll kiss you, Robbie!"

Jade ignored them and continued glaring at Beck, who's arm was around a still-crying Tori.

"So?" He asked, eating a French fry.

"So Tori has the flu!" Jade cried, worried for Beck's health. "Or did she not tell you?"

Beck gasped and jumped away from a now sickly looking Tori. "You never told me you were sick! Now I'm going to get sick!" He cried, falling to his knees in despair.

Tori sobbed (nothing new there). "I'm so sorry, Becky! I meant to tell you!" She swore, but Beck - or should I say Becky - shook his head at her.

"I can't believe you. First you keep the fact that you're sick from me, and then you go and tell everyone I'm really a girl! I hate you!"

Tori cried harder as Becky shock her head and pulled out a mirror to reapply her lipstick.

"Butt! Butt! Butt!" Tori cried, pointing at Sikowitz, who was streaking across the campus lawn, shouting something about strawberry cupcakes all the while.

Jade shrugged. "He's got a cute butt."

"I agree," Becky said, before she glared at Tori again. "I hate you, Tori."

Tori cried tears of blood. "But!" She cried again, before pulling a microphone out of her pants. Jumping on top of the lunch table, she started singing, "I love you like a love song, baby! I love you like a love song!"

She kept repeating those lyrics, mainly because she forgot the rest of the song.

Andre rolled his eyes at his friend and got up to leave. Jade followed him, "Andre! Wait up!" She called, and suddenly Andre was in love with Jade again.

"Wanna make out?" He asked, thankful that his best friend was now a girl and was involved with Tori, or whatever.

Jade shrugged. "Sure, I'm down for that."

/

"LOVE YOU LIKE A LOVE SONG, BABY!"

Becky signed and examined her nails, before pulling out a set of ear plugs. Sticking them in each ear, he offered a goodbye to Tori and Trina, Tori's sister who was now singing with her.

"LOVE YOU LIKE A LOVE SONG!" Tori sang.

"LIKE A LOVE SONGGGG!" Trina echoed.

"BABY!" They finished together.

"Hey, where did everyone go?" Tori asked, just now realizing that everyone had left.

"They couldn't handle our lovely voices!" Trina said, nodding sadly. "They were overcome with jealousy and had to leave."

"Oh," Tori said. "Well, I have to go find Becky, my s0ulmate! See yah, Trina!" And then she ran off in slow motion.

Trina sat down on the table and sighed.

"Bye, Tori!"

/

And so the moral of the story is, Beck's really a girl, Andre likes to make out with Jade, Jade likes to make out with Andre, Robbie is loved by no one (except Cat, that is), Rex is mean, Cat is stupid, Sikowitz is a nudest, Trina is vain, and Tori is over-dramatic and likes Selena Gomez and crying.

And also there is no moral!

THE END.

* * *

><p><strong>an;**

this makes no sense, I know so don't yell at me about how stupid I am for writing this in a review, yeah? it's meant to be pointless and over-dramatic. :')

lalala hope you enjoyed it!

and mad, i hope your grandma is okay; i'm always here if you wanna talk! ily babe, 5eva


End file.
